What led me down THIS path

I first started blogging about two years - various things caused me to shut down my original site.  Anyway, this was the first entry I ever wrote (in September of 2010) .... an explanation of how and why I entered the Buddhist path.

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If you would have told me six years ago that I would be married to a man who enjoys wearing camouflage in the fall to go out duck hunting every weekend....I wouldn't have believed you.  If you would have told me I was going to take Refuge, consider a Tibetan Lama "My Precious Guru" and when asked what religion I am ,  I would answer BUDDHIST - I really would have thought you were crazy.  But here I am.  I've been in Alaska for six years now and all of the above statements are true. 

The past six years have been the best years of my life.  They have also been the hardest.  It has nothing to do with the long winters or lack of sunlight.  It had to do with a shift in experiences.  A few short months after I moved to Alaska - I got a divorce.  And at that point in my life - that was probably the hardest thing I had ever experienced.  And really - looking back, as far as divorces go, it wasn't that hard.  A short while later - I met Richard.  We were married in June of 2006.  I am blessed to have him in my life. Quite honestly - the majority of my life had been pretty carefree.  I am an only child, had a great relationship with my parents, I went to a great school, was able to make a living in the field I always wanted (journalism), no one I was close to had died.  Looking back, I feel like I was living in a bubble - a bubble that was keeping "bad" things from happening to me.

But that started to change.  Three short months after Rich and I were married, my father went to the doctor for a routine check-up and was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  He died six weeks later.  This ripped the earth out from under my feet.  But it didn't stop there.  I had to have a hysterectomy.  OK - so I never wanted kids but this made it official.  A few months later Rich was in a serious car  accident.  A few months after that a family member committed suicide.  Then my Grandmother was killed by a fellow resident in a nursing home.  Several of our animals died.  I had to have another operation.  All these things were happening one right after the other over a four year period.   It was crazy....I thought I might go crazy.  At the end of last year we were in need for some stress release. Rich and I decided we would take my Mom to Kauai for Christmas.  She had been depressed since Dad died and we thought this might be a nice change for the holiday.  It was....but within days of flying back home to Kansas from Kauai...my mother had a stroke.  EMT's were on the phone with me saying I had to get to Kansas NOW.  The "bad" events just wouldn't stop. (I should note here my mother made a full recovery and is doing quite well now:-)

So what does all this have to do with Buddhism?  Well, I had been a "book Buddhist" for several years.  But when all this started happening - I really started turning to the Dharma. I found it was the only thing that truly gave me peace.  Hmmmmm,  Maybe I was burning off bad Karma?  Maybe if I kept going, I could be an example for others going through hard times.  Maybe this was all happening "to" me so it wouldn't happen to other sentient beings.  But what was really happening?  Things were changing - but EVERYTHING changes -so why was I in so much pain? 

I read, and read and read and then someone (who I will FOREVER be grateful) told me I might like the movie, "The Unmistaken Child."  I watched it and felt an immediate connection to a Rinpoche who appeared only a few times in the film.  It was Lama Zopa Rinpoche.  I started researching and finding out everything I could about Kopan Monastery.  That lead me to FPMT (Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition http://www.fpmt.org/ ) and THAT lead me to write an e-mail to Lama Zopa.  

When I received a response, tears started streaming down my face.  For the first time, in a long time, they weren't tears of sadness.  They were tears of relief, a feeling you would have when you were a small child...finding your mother or father after you thought you had lost them in a big department store.  Well, six months after watching "The Unmistaken Child" - on the four year anniversary of my father's death - I was on the other side of the country, in Vermont, at a Buddhist retreat kneeling in front of My Precious Guru.. Tears were once again streaming down my face as I took Refuge and received my Buddhist name, Thubten Namdrol.  I had finally found my path. 

Blessing from my Precious Guru, Lama Zopa Rinpoche