It's NOT what you say that matters - it's HOW it's heard!!

Facebook continues to be a fantastic dharma learning ground for me. I have met and become friends with some amazing people from around the world.  Wonderful beings  I would have never have had  the chance to meet otherwise. Regardless if they are from Nepal, India, Bhutan, Tibet, Singapore, Japan - we all truly have one thing in common.  Their English is better than my attempt at speaking their language will ever be. Seriously, I get excited when I can say NAMASTE, TASHI DELEK, or BHU and the other person has a remote idea of what I so inadequately am trying to pronounce.  They on the other hand not only write but speak in complete English sentences.  And I'm not talking about  the type of sentences we learned in French Year One. After that horrid year in High School,  I am so grateful that I can now tell someone - in french -  their dog is brown.

I was speaking with a Tibetan friend of mine the other day, he was telling me about someone he had met for dinner.
"Sue said she wants to be very #######."
"What?  She wants to be a circus final?  She wants to work in a circus?  That's strange."
"No, she wants to be ######."
"A sexy idol? She wants to be a sex...a what, she wants to do something sexy? I think you need to spell it for me."
"S-U-C-C-E-S-S-F-U-L, I am sorry for my English."
I started laughing. "There's nothing wrong with your English, it's the way I heard it that's the problem."

Wow - how many of our communication problems boil down to that?  It's not really what the other person said that is the problem - it's how we impute it in our minds, how we interpret it.

We move so fast in the world nowadays.  Message delivered, message received, message judged, message delivered, message received, message judged.  Sometimes we need to slow down - practice patience and ask the other person what they really mean.  THAT is true communication, which leads to true understanding.  And true understanding could quite honestly change the world.
TASHI DELEK and NAMASTE :-)

The Buddhist and the Alaska Native Chief

This story was produced by two of my former employees - Andrea Gusty and Brian Hild

While I don't remember the exact day, I do remember the details of the first time I met Chief Paul.  It was about a week before this story was shot. I had been fully prepped as to what was "culturally acceptable" when meeting a Chief.  I must have done it right - seven years later, we are still friends.
Chief Paul is one of the last "traditional" Chiefs in Alaska.  He was identified and trained by his elders, not elected by his people.  When he was a child, it was the younger generation who took care of the Chiefs as they got older. But his traditional ways are viewed as outdated and unwanted - as a result, he finds himself facing his remaining years somewhat alone.  

As he sits in his tattered recliner looking up at the pictures of long gone Chiefs and respected elders that line his walls, he holds his bible and quietly asks me why I think he is still here.  I know it is a question he asks himself several times a day.  I grab his hand and tell him, "Your job here isn't done".

We make an interesting pair.  The Althabascan who will not leave his house without his Chiefs' necklace and me, the white - American Buddhist who is rarely without my protection locket and at least one mala.  He talks of his medicine-man powers that can be used for good or evil - I tell him there is already enough evil in the world, what we really need to do is to open up our hearts just a little bit more.  We discuss religion, the environment, my work, his past, the land, his people.
After spending time with Chief, I find myself exhausted.  Not because it is so much "work" to be around him but because (as Richard puts it) being with Chief is like being in a constant state of meditation.  His slow speech, his somewhat broken English lull you into an "other-worldly" dimension.  He often sings to Richard and me - singing songs that have been sung by his people for hundreds of years.  I feel honored to hear his stories, to hear his songs.
After spending time with him this weekend, he spent a few minutes in silence and then looked at me and said, "You say the Kalahee of Knikatnu are your people.  Your name is Cha-ta-nee".
"What does that mean?"
"Exactly....it means,  what does that mean....because you are always so full of questions."
I just laugh and give him a hug, telling him I will call him later in the week.
When I see Chief, I often wonder if it will be our last visit. The pain and anger he feels watching his culture die is, at times, almost unbearable.
What I do know is that I will always have at least one more question for him to answer.
Sometimes people just need to know their story, their knowledge, their life DOES matter.

Yep, that's me

For anyone who has known me over the past few years, I'm not shy about the fact that I've lost quite a bit of weight.  But when I was asked to do a commercial about it - well, that brought up a whole host of different issues.
According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 3 of the WORLD'S population is overweight, 1 in 10 is obese. Food has become our drug of choice, it's the way we celebrate, the way we mourn, the way we deal with boredom, the way we tend to deal with all of life's ups and downs.  The health implications of being overweight are well documented.  Again, according to the WHO,

Being overweight or obese can have a serious impact on health. Carrying extra fat leads to serious health consequences such as cardiovascular disease (mainly heart disease and stroke), type 2 diabetes, musculoskeletal disorders like osteoarthritis, and some cancers (endometrial, breast and colon). These conditions cause premature death and substantial disability.

I finally reached a point where I wanted to make a change - I wanted to be in control of my life. Buddhism has helped me control my mind,  my doctors helped me control my food intake. The two have gone hand in hand .
But, back to the commercial.  As a journalist, as a News Director,  going on air to endorse ANYTHING is a no-no.  On the other hand, losing weight has made such a huge difference in my life - not to mention, it has added years to my life.  I have always paid for all of my services at Alaska Premier Health. It wasn't until after I keep the weight off that I was approached about doing a commercial.  I shared some of my concerns with my health care providers and made it clear that if anything news-worthy  happened at the clinic - they would receive no special treatment from my news staff. Oh, and I wasn't going to "read" someone else's script - it needed to be my words, my voice, my experience
The commercial started airing this week and it's already made a difference.  The money the clinic wanted to pay me for my time - I donated that to a monk at Sera Je in India who needed an operation but couldn't afford it.
Will some in the journalistic community think what I did is wrong?  Probably.  But in this case, being "wrong" is OK with me.

The effect of the GIFT

I received the most precious gift earlier this week.  It came from overseas, from someone I just adore but have yet to meet face to face.  The enclosed card read, "This is the relic of the Buddha of our time, Shakyamuni Buddha.  This is a treasure from my monastery [it] has been kept in a stupa and the actual relic has been growing and multiplying, thus, I could offer this to you."  To say I was overcome by emotion would  be an understatement.

Precious Buddha Relic
If you want to know more about relics, look here http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/week711/feature.html

As the enclosed card made clear, aside from the precious dharma, THIS is the most precious gift a Buddhist can receive.  WOW.  I feel so unworthy of receiving such a treasure-especially when I am honest about what went through my mind when I got it.  My ego started to whisper, "I must have a very special karmic connection with this person for them to send me such a gift."  Ahhhhhh, how un-Buddhist of me!! At the same time, how "Western".  We seem to always want to "label" things...special, not special, good, bad, real, fake. I constantly fight my urge to look at something, make a judgement, label it and "put it away".  When I label something, I don't really have to think about it anymore.  Think about that for a minute.  Once we make up our mind about something - we really don't "have" to give it any more thought or attention.  How sad that we often do that with people as well.  We "label" and "move on".

A few days before I received my gift, someone I don't know that well asked for my help.  Again, my ego started to whisper...."Why are they asking me this?  What do they really want? This person just wants to take advantage of me."  It seemed I was more concerned about the possibility of  "being scammed" than I was of offering help to someone who may really need it.  Don't get me wrong - I think we DO need to make sure we aren't allowing ourselves to be the victim of scam-artists - but I had immediately jumped to the negative (darn you "self-cherishing -I").  The part that makes me the most sad about this situation is , this person really did need help, he had reached out and asked and then ended up fraught with worry over the fact that his request had made me uncomfortable.

When I brought the relic into our home, I took it into my meditation room and placed it on my altar.  After performing a little "ceremony", I meditated.  The feeling of joy I had  from receiving this precious gift was something I needed to share. I contacted my acquaintance-in-need and told him I would do what I could to help.

This act doesn't make me a "good" person.  It is my way of "paying-it-forward", of  re-paying the kindness and generosity of my dharma son, Kunsang Tulku.  What would you rather do - help someone when you thought they needed it or hold back because you are afraid you might be taken advantage of?  Imagine if we all lived our lives with our hearts just a little bit more open.

What led me down THIS path

I first started blogging about two years - various things caused me to shut down my original site.  Anyway, this was the first entry I ever wrote (in September of 2010) .... an explanation of how and why I entered the Buddhist path.

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If you would have told me six years ago that I would be married to a man who enjoys wearing camouflage in the fall to go out duck hunting every weekend....I wouldn't have believed you.  If you would have told me I was going to take Refuge, consider a Tibetan Lama "My Precious Guru" and when asked what religion I am ,  I would answer BUDDHIST - I really would have thought you were crazy.  But here I am.  I've been in Alaska for six years now and all of the above statements are true. 

The past six years have been the best years of my life.  They have also been the hardest.  It has nothing to do with the long winters or lack of sunlight.  It had to do with a shift in experiences.  A few short months after I moved to Alaska - I got a divorce.  And at that point in my life - that was probably the hardest thing I had ever experienced.  And really - looking back, as far as divorces go, it wasn't that hard.  A short while later - I met Richard.  We were married in June of 2006.  I am blessed to have him in my life. Quite honestly - the majority of my life had been pretty carefree.  I am an only child, had a great relationship with my parents, I went to a great school, was able to make a living in the field I always wanted (journalism), no one I was close to had died.  Looking back, I feel like I was living in a bubble - a bubble that was keeping "bad" things from happening to me.

But that started to change.  Three short months after Rich and I were married, my father went to the doctor for a routine check-up and was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  He died six weeks later.  This ripped the earth out from under my feet.  But it didn't stop there.  I had to have a hysterectomy.  OK - so I never wanted kids but this made it official.  A few months later Rich was in a serious car  accident.  A few months after that a family member committed suicide.  Then my Grandmother was killed by a fellow resident in a nursing home.  Several of our animals died.  I had to have another operation.  All these things were happening one right after the other over a four year period.   It was crazy....I thought I might go crazy.  At the end of last year we were in need for some stress release. Rich and I decided we would take my Mom to Kauai for Christmas.  She had been depressed since Dad died and we thought this might be a nice change for the holiday.  It was....but within days of flying back home to Kansas from Kauai...my mother had a stroke.  EMT's were on the phone with me saying I had to get to Kansas NOW.  The "bad" events just wouldn't stop. (I should note here my mother made a full recovery and is doing quite well now:-)

So what does all this have to do with Buddhism?  Well, I had been a "book Buddhist" for several years.  But when all this started happening - I really started turning to the Dharma. I found it was the only thing that truly gave me peace.  Hmmmmm,  Maybe I was burning off bad Karma?  Maybe if I kept going, I could be an example for others going through hard times.  Maybe this was all happening "to" me so it wouldn't happen to other sentient beings.  But what was really happening?  Things were changing - but EVERYTHING changes -so why was I in so much pain? 

I read, and read and read and then someone (who I will FOREVER be grateful) told me I might like the movie, "The Unmistaken Child."  I watched it and felt an immediate connection to a Rinpoche who appeared only a few times in the film.  It was Lama Zopa Rinpoche.  I started researching and finding out everything I could about Kopan Monastery.  That lead me to FPMT (Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition http://www.fpmt.org/ ) and THAT lead me to write an e-mail to Lama Zopa.  

When I received a response, tears started streaming down my face.  For the first time, in a long time, they weren't tears of sadness.  They were tears of relief, a feeling you would have when you were a small child...finding your mother or father after you thought you had lost them in a big department store.  Well, six months after watching "The Unmistaken Child" - on the four year anniversary of my father's death - I was on the other side of the country, in Vermont, at a Buddhist retreat kneeling in front of My Precious Guru.. Tears were once again streaming down my face as I took Refuge and received my Buddhist name, Thubten Namdrol.  I had finally found my path. 

Blessing from my Precious Guru, Lama Zopa Rinpoche

Make the most of every moment

If you are lucky, once in your life you are blessed with sharing a moment in time with a dog that is...well....more than just a dog.  One glance into their eyes and you know you have spent many lifetimes together.

Sharing "sick" time together.

For me, that dog is Emerson.  He is, by far, the happiest dog I have ever seen in my life.

Always smiling!!

Although Emerson started out as Richard's dog (Rich rescued Emerson before we met) there is no doubt -  he is "my" boy.  

Awhile back , E-boy started limping.  We took him to the vet thinking he had pulled a ligament.  A pulled ligament would have been the best case scenario.  Emerson had bone cancer and we had a choice.  We could do nothing and he would probably be dead within three months or we could amputate his leg followed by a hand full of chemo treatments and he might be with us for another eight months.  Never thinking we would be the type of people to subject our pets to chemo treatment - Rich and I found ourselves going with Option Two.  We wanted to do everything we could to give Emerson a fighting chance.

E-boy running around just a few weeks after having his leg removed.

Those first few days after his surgery were HORRID.  I spent much of the time in tears, laying on the floor next to Emerson wondering if we had made the right choice.  But - within a few days, Emerson was up and about acting like he had always walked on just three legs.  We started the chemo shortly after.  We didn't have any problems until about the third round.  Emerson developed an infection - he was so sick, they sent us home with an IV in his leg.  If he didn't improve in a few hours, we could bring him back and they would put him down.  It was another night filled with tears.  We had made decisions that seemed to only be causing Emerson more suffering.  But 24 hours later - Emerson's tail was wagging again.  It was clear, our boy was NOT ready to die.

The six months Emerson was expected to live turned into a year - and that year turned into two and a half years.  An additional two and a half years that I should truly view as a gift. But I'm having a hard time doing that tonight.  Instead of being thankful for the extra time we have been given - I find myself focusing on what is going to be taken away.  

Today, we found out the cancer is back.  It can't be treated, it WILL kill Emerson. For now, his tail is still wagging but we don't know how much longer he'll be with us.  Rich and I knew we were going to get this news.. it was just a matter of time.  But death is like that for us all, isn't it? It IS going to happen - and it IS just a matter of time.  For that reason alone, we should make the most of every moment.  That is the promise we are making to Emerson tonight. 

You are NOT the box!!

My day didn't go exactly as I had planned.  My phone rang around noon, it was from the television station asking if I knew a man named "Steve".
"Yep - what's wrong?"
"Well, he is down here talking about a box he gave you... he's not stable."
Five minutes later I was in my car headed down to the station. The box was in the seat next to me.
I need to rewind a bit.  A few weeks ago I picked up the phone in my office and was taken aback by how much pain was in the voice on the other end of the line.  "Steve" was in a manic state, moving from one subject to the next only stopping when he was unable to speak through his sobs. I could follow his story - but I was really more concerned about him.  It was obvious he was extremely intelligent.  He was a veteran, serving our country overseas  for several years.  He was honorably discharged two decades ago but Steve was still fighting.  The enemy was his mind.
He felt the "system" had not only let him down but had purposely destroyed his reputation which in turn has destroyed his life.  Steve is someone who literally lives in a trailer down by the river.  His trailer is 13 feet long - he has no running water.  He has few friends, living alone with his dog.  If his wood is not delivered on time, he will have to burn what few possessions he has as not to freeze to death.  But no matter how cold it gets, Steve would never burn what's inside that box.
He has spent the past twenty years of his life methodically, obsessively collecting evidence to prove he was "wronged".  He keeps all his "evidence" in that box.   After our first conversation I made a phone call to someone Steve told me checks on him.  At the time, I thought he was going to commit suicide.  Steve's friend (an elderly man who spent his life counseling veterans.  He was just put under hospice care) gave me a little more insight.  The details of Steve's mental condition don't really matter. Nor does his criminal history.  Steve's  pain was so deep - the idea of just "ignoring" it wasn't an option for me.  I called him back and we set up a time to meet.
Steve  showed up at the office yesterday morning thirty minutes early.  He was dressed in a three piece suit that either wasn't his - or had been his when we weighed about 40 pounds more.  We went over the contents of that box for over two hours. And you know what??? It does look like Steve was wronged.  But not the type of "wronged" that most people would hyper-focus on for twenty years.  I told Steve I would do what I could to help him.  He gave me the box  so I could make copies.  We set up a meeting for next Friday. He hugged me like a small child holds onto a stuffed animal and whispered in my ear, "I trust you."
When I pulled into the parking lot this morning, Steve was sitting in his truck sobbing.  As I got out of the car he jumped out of his truck and embraced me in his arms.  "Please don't call the police, I am so sorry, I am so sorry, I should have never said that on the phone."  I stepped back, "Did you leave me an bad message?"
"Yes ma'am".
"Are you going to hurt me?"
"No".
"OK, let me be real clear.  If you leave me another angry message.....I can not help you.  I can not have you cross that boundary with me."
I walked back over to my car and got the box.  I told him it probably too big of a step for him to give that to me.  Steve was still crying telling me the box was his life.  I put my hand on his shoulder to try and get him to calm down.  "Steve, you are NOT that box."  "That box is a bunch of paper about things that happened in the past - that box ISN'T who you are."  Steve took a deep breath and told me, "this isn't how I wanted my life to turn out."  I told him if he didn't get his mind OUT of that box - this is what his life was going to be.  
We talked for a while longer until he had completely stopped crying.  He again gave me a big embrace and again he apologized.  I told him I would see him next week.
As I was driving back home I thought....what am I attached to?  As a Buddhist, I try to constantly remind myself that nothing is permanent, everything is always changing.  The idea of attaching ourselves to anything really doesn't make logically sense.  If everything is always changing - we are always going to feel like we are losing something.  But...we don't always make the logical choices.

Congratulations.....IT'S A BOY!!

A doctor has never said that to me.  Nor have I heard  the words, "you're having a girl."
Well.....at least not in this lifetime.
When Richard and I traveled to Nepal last year, people were always asking us how many children we had.  When I replied "none", they often appeared confused.  You could see it in their eyes,  they truly felt sorry for us.  I found myself quickly explaining I couldn't have children - but I planned to have MANY in my next life.  This would immediately bring big smiles.
During our travels, we were constantly being introduced to family members...."This is my Auntie, this is my Uncle, this is my Mother, this is my Sister, this is my Brother, this is my Grandson."  Wait......a 20 year old with a Grandson?  It was then explained to me these "labels" are often used as terms of endearment or as recognition of a Karmic connection.
So it warmed my heart - when I opened my Facebook account last week and found H.E the 9th Kunsang Dorjie Rinpoche had listed me as his mother.

H.E the 9th Kunsang Dorjie Rinpoche - Kunsang Tulku

Rinpoche and I have not met in person.  I friended him in June of last year after reading about a project he was involved with in Kathmandu, The Tibetan Home for the Aged.  Rinpoche had visited the 70 or so residents and was so moved by their suffering - he decided to help.

These 70 over Tibetan folks needs your help.  They are facing with housing problem, health problems but one thing they have a pure heart doing pujas 4 times a day and always praying for every sentient beings.  therefore i have taken the responsibility to help rebuild their home and provide proper living conditions and healthy food and medical help.  so please help me in this cause.  thanks lovesss- KDR

Rinpoche giving blessing at the Tibetan Home for the Aged

Six months later, enough money had been raised to start renovations.  That's a pretty amazing accomplishment for a  twenty one year old.

Then again, Rinpoche isn't your average young man.  He is a recognized TULKU - a reincarnated high ranking lama who chose how he wanted to be reborn in this life.  I didn't know that when I friended him but as I read his status updates and notes it became clear,  Kunsang was wise beyond his years.

"FINE OR COARSE" refers to the deepness or shallowness of practice.  I have often cautioned you against comparing your practice with that of others or your own self at different times.  Such comparisons are only subjective.  Today someone burst out crying in the meditation hall.  One person may have thought, "Oh, she's not doing so well."  Another, "I think she's becoming enlightened!" Or else, "Maybe she's going crazy."  None of these thoughts may represent the true situation.  Whether she felt pain or sorrow, became enlightened or went crazy, it's her business.  It has nothing to do with anyone else.  Making comparisons inevitable means judging others.

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Awareness of mind means that you are fundamentally aware and that your mind is aware of yourself.In other words, you're aware that you're aware. You are not a machine; you are an individual person relating with what's happening around you. Mindfulness is developing this sense of being.

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The real glory of meditation lies not in any method but in its continual living experience of presence, in its bliss, clarity, peace and most important of all, complete absence of grasping. The diminishing of grasping in yourself is a sign that you are becoming freer of yourself.

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The ego is that part in us which feeds off praise, compliment and success. When we live in the ego we are inevitably subject to feelings of superiority/inferiority, pride and worthlessness, success and failure.  If we want to avoid these negative emotions we need to transcend the ego. If we can transcend the ego, we will find that people are instinctively more attracted to us, even though we are no longer trying to impress.

I don't know how to describe it other than to say reading his words was like getting a letter from a long lost friend.  I started cutting out his notes and pasting them in my journal - they just "spoke" to me. The first time we Skyped, I felt the same way.  We talk about what we're doing, his health (like many lamas, he sleeps very little - only a few hours a night - that causes some health issues) travel plans, etc.  I have no idea how many students/followers he has - that makes no difference to me.  As I write this, Kunsang is getting ready to go on a ten year retreat.  Many people were upset that he would be gone for so long.  But he's  been working very hard over the past few weeks, recording music and prayers for his students to listen to while he's away.  His CD is going to be released on Saturday.

Rinpoche's CD

Over the past few months,  I have called him Rinpoche... Lama... Kunsang-la... My Dharma Friend.
Now, thanks to a karmic connection I can add  "My Dharma Son."  My hope is that I will be fortunate enough to meet my son face to face.